As a former architecture student, law school wasn’t even in my plan when I was in college but things have their own way of paddling the course for you — with the recommendation of my dad, I shifted to political science and eventually took up law school.
What you’re used to is not what you need
Stock knowledge, cramming, etc. may work during college, and perceiving it to work in continuing studies like law school is a no. And having just a goal doesn’t work either. You have to at least try to change everything including your habits.
It is hard at the beginning, but realizing how important it is to adjust your actions to match your vision is satisfying in the process. It lets you mature and it lets you try options. Who you are and what you do a year ago maybe the same but your environment definitely changes, and you have to make it work. Just like this pandemic, everything went online in a blink of an eye and we have to develop a habit that’ll work which is most likely not the same as what we are used to.
You have to prepare for the battle
As they say, law school is a humbling journey. Your friends, family, and acquaintances think you’re great without knowing how bad you feel you did in recitations or how many times it’s been replaying in your head about what your professor told you. It does not look at who you are, but what you can do and a lot has described it as “Ground Zero”. It doesn’t care if you graduated with honors or if you are at the bottom of your class before. It only cares about what you can do right now to possibly affect what you can offer in the future.
You have to prepare for the battle, whether it's an assignment, quiz, exam, or recitation — don’t do it half-heartedly because half of your heart is that possibility for mistakes and failures. Read everything down to its last alphabet, absorb it like it's your own because the profession you’re about to take can make or break someone. And soon enough other people would bet their life on you, and you don’t go to the field half-heartedly.
In real life, you have to prepare for the battle you choose to be in and not just jump to conclusions because you thought they’re the answers. And in between battles, there will be little victories and little defeats that might overwhelm us in the process. Don’t do things half-heartedly, just don’t engage in it at all. Calculated risks are still giving your 101%.
Getting exhausted and taking a break
Life in law school is a path you take voluntarily, it was never mandatory and even so, it can get pretty daunting and exhausting. Mental and physical stress is always the biggest factor and it is because of the expectations built around you, the pressure, and load. It was never easy, nobody said it is.
Awful recitations, bad grades, sleepless nights despite all the efforts make me question if this is indeed my calling. All I wanted to do is to help people and during these times of exhaustion, I question myself, “do I really need to become a lawyer to do that?”
Things will happen one by one, and it seems they happen to make us realize that this is indeed what we want to do. As someone who has a day job and is studying too, exhaustion can blur our visions so it is very important to take a break.
I figured that resting isn’t quitting at all. I knew some people who rest for 2 years and some rest indefinitely but still have plans on coming back. It’s not just our body that needs rebooting but also our mind. If not in our best disposition, we have to be in a good one somehow to be able to carry on.
Sometimes you still have to take what you can’t handle
And it’s okay. And at one point in our lives, we need to do that. And as I start doing and accepting those I can’t handle, I started to build a perception of trust and confidence — I am being trusted and if I am not, I have to build the confidence to prove them wrong.
Most professors would tell us “….you’re not going to become a lawyer”, “idiots”, “small-sized brain” and the truth is, it hurts us in the beginning — at least for me. But they would tell you after, “it’s nothing personal”, “you’ll hear a lot more after law school”, “this is to train you guys”.
And as I progress in law school, I don’t get used to it — I understood what it meant. What you can handle is a mindset you give to yourself to cope up with the changes and unpleasant situations. It’s true, you can’t be given something that you can’t handle because even if we thought we can’t, eventually we would.
Efforts count and a second matters
No matter how little they are, they count, and even a second matter. You will start seeing one second not just 1, but 1,000 milliseconds. You’ll start seeing everything in little things, even the ones that are inside.
Reading one more case before napping isn’t too much for your tired eyes, but it is counted less when you wake up — you’ve got lesser cases to read. You’ll appreciate people who spend time to talk to you because you’re struggling to fit everything in yours. You’ll start finding joy in breathing.
One of our professors told us to “put a lot of effort” into this journey and sometimes, our efforts might save us in the end. It is not over until it’s over, right?
It’s not okay
Sometimes, “it’s okay” is not the most comforting word for us, and “just do better next time” isn’t the best advice, and silence and presence are much-appreciated. Failing, or having a bad recitation can be disappointing to law students especially when no one knows the exact amount of effort one has put into it. And it was not okay to fail, even if we still have next time because we have already this time.
Allowing one to grieve and be disappointed is a kind comfort too. Be there. Let it pass. Eventually, they’ll get back on track. And if the waiting is a bit long, ask.
Timelines are guides and not due dates
Part of my exhaustion is the thought that I feel like I am on this road for quite some time now. While I believe that I have my own timeline, I also believe that I should match it with great effort to be able to make it as soon as I can.
Some still feel the pressure of catching up, even if they ran out of breath. Timelines are guides for us to have a glimpse of what’s to happen and to have an idea of what should we do next. It is never a due date or an expiration date where our dreams are only valid before them — we don’t have to consume them immediately. Like how our subjects have pre-requisites — things take time.
Life is a series of “it depends”
And if you can answer “why?” then it is probable. There are many provisions of the law, negative and positive ones and sometimes it’s a matter of how you work around it — the justifying, mitigating, and aggravating circumstances.
I think it’s probably why law students develop such critical thinking because life is a series of it depends. Killing your husband can appear gravely wrong, but it depends on whether you are a victim of abuse and is suffering from battered woman syndrome.
In real life, we just do not fully realize that our decisions and actions are us justifying our emotions, to where and when it depends. Most often this confuses us like whether or not we’d take an opportunity, whether or not some things are real, whether or not we continue or start over. But answering all these is the “it depends” our heart makes.
Finding your purpose and own voice
I thought I’d become a great architect someday, with the hopes of providing homes and not just houses. But life took a detour and made me realize that it is the law that’ll give me my purpose and make my voice a lot clearer.
I figured out one thing that makes the law and lawyers essential. It is the reason and the series of it depends. Because technology may advance at its best form, but providing reasons in the series of it depends for real-life situations is something hard to replace. It is beyond the codals and textbooks, that only a human with a sense of duty and responsibility can fulfill impartially — like lady justice. The future needs us, maybe not for its fulfillment but for its growth and security. And I will go back to these thoughts if ever my exhaustion gets the best of me again.
Life is uncertain and may take a detour sometime again, but with everything I have done and made so far, I won’t take it as a wasted effort and time. I’ll treat this as a reservation and a stock opportunity that I can pull out once I decide to begin again (no I’m not quitting, this is just a what-if). My endpoint is also my start point. And I think if everyone sees their endpoints that way, lesser people would be afraid to take the chance and follow their dreams. Because the changes in the middle will scare us less.
I think this is the answer to my interlude and the paradise that I’m scared of.
Thoughts are my own and I do not represent anyone in law school.
