Jin’s Abyss: his honest confession
Jin released a song just two hours before his birthday titled “Abyss”.
Abyss is deep, immeasurable space, unfathomable, or infinite. With this in my mind, the true meaning of the song suddenly kept rushing into me.
With Jin singing in the third person, it felt like the person he is referring to is either himself or the people around him.
I hold my breath and go into my sea
I face my beautiful and sad cry
A day in the dark
I want to go find and talk
I want to know you more today yeah
With himself, he might find it hard to stop and assess himself. There might be a stark difference between who he is as BTS and who he is as himself. As he said, “I don’t want to share my sad feelings with my fans. Because I want to show only good things” — and this is probably who he is as BTS.
Or he wanted to go to the people around him but it felt like a bottomless pit. Are you familiar with the concept — the same love that hugs you is the same love that’ll suffocate you. And we have to admit, so much love is overbearing and this kind of thing separates people more creating a profound space between them, like an abyss. Because that same love can create a reality of who you are in the eyes of the people that loves you and that separates who you really are as a person. And sometimes this questions our abilities and strengths — “DO I DESERVE THIS?”
Still i stay with me
I don’t hear my voice, I just linger
That black place
I want to be locked, I want to go
I’ll be there
Again today, I revolve around you
He still stays with the self that other people know that he is, and with that, he isn’t able to hear his own voice because others were louder than his. “I wanted to be locked, I want to go” is a battle people fight that nobody heard of when you have to portray two versions of you at the same time. This felt like an utter feeling of wanting to cross the bridge to his real self, so bad. But then again, he can’t just escape yet, the person who he is today.
The more I get to you, the more I get out of breath
Maybe I went into a deeper sea yeah
A day in the sea
This is probably him trying to cross that bridge but the more he runs to it, the more he gets out of breath because it’s never easy especially with people around you trying to say who you are or who you should become. And the deeper sea can portray the longer he stays in the spotlight, the longer he has to run — just like BTS’ previous song “SEA” that discusses their fear that their global fame and success could leave as suddenly as it arrived.
This song reminds us that the people we get strength from [BTS] needed strength too. And the spotlight of success either blinds you or take yourself away from you. And sometimes, they might find their selves in a pit of exhaustion trying their best up to the last drop of whatever is left.
Remember when he said, “you’ll lose what you want to do if you try to satisfy everyone else” in one of their interviews. This is so easy to say, but very hard to do especially when people like Seokjin need to be a strength to most of us. Jin is an embodiment of self-love even with their BE concept photos, but we never know, it’s also the advice he keeps repeating to his self every day.
Abyss is his honest confession, a story behind the limelight that no one of us heard of. We’re hoping Seokjin reach that place and get through that abyss without running out of breath and it might be hard, but with the person that he is, he’ll find a way.
This is also a comfort for the people who are experiencing the same struggle of identifying or searching for who they are, against the sea of realities other people create for them.
But like how Jin has addressed important issues concerning the group, it’s a brave thing to release how you really feel. And it takes a lot of courage to let people get a glimpse of your vulnerability.
You can listen to Jin’s Abyss here: https://soundcloud.com/bangtan/2020jinbirthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEOKJIN!